Ashes
by skydivinglibrarian
Summary: Married to a madman who holds an entire nation in thrall, Ashen falls in love with a woman named Kora. Kora's Grace may sharpen her mind and senses, but it doesn't protect her from the intoxicating effect of Leck's voice or the blade of his knife, which have tormented her since childhood. Dare they continue their romance in spite of the king? Will either of them ever escape?


I pressed my ear against the door. The wood was thick, and even with my hearing I couldn't tell how many people were breathing inside, but there was no movement and I heard no voices. Since Leck wasn't the type to keep quiet, and Ashen wouldn't have asked for me if he was likely to show up, I risked knocking.

"Who is it?" Ashen called from inside. I hesitated. "It's just me and the baby in here," she added. Meaning, _It's safe to say your name, Kora. _

"It's Kora," I told her.

"Come in, darling." It was stupid of her to speak that way when she had no idea if I was alone in the hall, but there was real joy in her voice for the first time in far too long. Now, of all times, I would not berate her about safety.

I grinned and tried to open the door. It was locked. I had a key, of course, but my smile faded as I fished through my pockets for it. Who did Ashen hope to keep out? There was only one danger to her and her child in this castle, and no lock could keep him out.

The lock clicked and I pushed the door open. Ashen smiled up at me from her vast brocaded bed, her dark hair tumbling around her shoulders, her gray eyes shining with the sunlight that filtered through her stained-glass windows. In her arms she cradled an infant, wrapped in lavender cloth from its neck to its toes. Clear gray eyes just like Ashen's sparkled in its tiny wrinkled face. I closed the heavy door behind me and found my fingers turning the lock. It seemed I was as desperate as Ashen to protect this child from its father.

Futile, of course. Leck had all the keys.

I made myself smile as I approached Ashen's bed, and as I looked at her newborn baby the smile came more easily by the second.

"It's beautiful," I whispered, sitting down.

"It?" Ashen demanded in mock indignation. "My child is not an it."

"Sorry," I said, looking up at her. "Boy or girl?" As I spoke, the child gurgled at me, in forgiveness or reproach I didn't know.

"A girl," she answered softly, her voice deep with love. "Bitterblue."

"Bitterblue?" I repeated. The Lienid came up with such odd names. "Such a sad name. Bitterblue," I said again, rolling the sounds around my mouth. "It is beautiful, though."

"Beauty and sorrow," Ashen said. "What better name could she have?"

"I suppose it is apt," I replied, looking down Ashen's baby girl. Princess Bitterblue. Daughter of the woman I would die to protect and the man I would give anything to kill. A creature of wild contradictions, but in her tiny face I saw nothing but softness. Sorrow, I knew, would come later. "But wouldn't you name your child what you want her to be?" I asked.

"In Lienid, we name our children what they are," Ashen replied. "What else is a name for?" I wondered where her name had come from. Ashen sounded like the name of a woman who was dying inside. But maybe the Lienid thought of the word differently.

"Has he seen her yet?" I asked, meeting Ashen's eyes.

"No. I asked him not to be at the birth, and he did it. I don't know why."

"He likes to pretend that he's a husband, sometimes."

"He is," Ashen replied bitterly. "And now he has a daughter." I glanced at the old oaken door, with its three-inch-thick steel bolt that could withstand a battering ram but was helpless against the key ring that dangled at Leck's belt.

"She's yours, Ashen," I said. "She's not his. She'll never be his. You and I will make sure of that." I could see in her tired eyes that she didn't believe me, not really. But she wanted to believe as badly as I did, so she bit her lip and nodded.

"We're going to keep her safe," she said. "We'll find a way. He's not going to hurt my daughter."

She sounded like my mother then, and I closed my eyes to chase away the memory. But it was useless. My memory was perfect, unconquerable. Even Leck couldn't tamper with it.

_You will not touch my daughter. I will not allow it. _And then a knife, Leck's knife, in my mother's stomach first and then cutting into my arms, my legs, my abdomen, again and again and again. Unstoppable.

I leaned over and kissed the little girl on her forehead. She yelped, out of mirth or fear I wasn't sure. I straightened and looked at her warily, afraid she would burst into tears, but she seemed happy enough. Unafraid, maybe the only person in the castle who was. Unafraid, and yet so unbearably fragile.

"She doesn't belong here," I murmured.

"No one belongs here," Ashen answered.

"You have to get her out of here," I said. "Go home to Lienid."

"Kora," she said gently, "he has guards on me every moment."

"There's no one in this room but the three of us, and there's no guards in the hall outside."

"They're never within earshot, because Leck is afraid I'll get familiar with them. But there'll be a guard at every intersection off the corridor outside. There always is. This thought has occurred to me before, Kora. But there's nowhere I could go. Besides, I'm in no shape to travel. And I would never leave you." Her voice changed with the last sentence, grew less irritable and more sincere. I closed my eyes.

"Don't say that, Ashen, please."

"Kora, I won't do it. I won't abandon you with him, not for anything."

"Not even for Bitterblue?" I was sorry the second I said it. She looked away from me with tears in her eyes. Her pale hands tightened around her daughter, golden rings flashing against the lavender flannel.

"Come with me, then," she said. "Not today, he's watching me closer today than ever, and I'm exhausted. But when I've recovered, and he's relaxed. Come home with me." We'd had this discussion before, and she knew my answer. I didn't see the point in saying it again. Instead I gathered a handful of her silky hair against the side of her face and kissed her. She balanced her daughter in the crook of one arm and brought her free hand up to my face, running her fingers lightly across the tender skin behind my left ear. I reveled in her touch, happy to have something given and taken in love, not stolen from me hungrily while my mind swirled in fog. I was entirely clearheaded now as I l took her face between my hands, holding her like she was something precious that I could protect, wrapping her up in the strength I only had when I was touching her. I kissed her again and pulled face away from hers to look at her. Her eyes shone with love and joy but the fear still hadn't left them, flickering in the crystal depths.

Five years I had known and loved this woman, and I had never seen her unafraid.

"I would give the world for you to be safe," I whispered.

"So would I," she answered, smiling. "I just wouldn't give you."

I sighed and kissed her lips again, tenderly but briefly. Then I lowered my head and traced her collarbone with my mouth, careful not to lean in too far and crush the child in her arms. I felt her hand weave itself into my hair as I kissed the warm hollow at the base of her throat.

Then Bitterblue let out a wail that would have woken the dead. I jerked back and just barely avoided slamming the top of my head against Ashen's jaw. Ashen quickly pulled her hand out of my hair and took her daughter in both arms. She rocked the girl back and forth gently, to no avail. She began to make faces at Bitterblue, shaking her head and blowing out through flapping lips like a horse. Finally Bitterblue laughed, her bright red face losing its angry color and her tiny mouth opening wide to reveal pink gums as toothless as an old woman's.

Ashen looked at me then, a happiness lighting her eyes that I had never seen before. "Isn't she beautiful?" she asked.

I looked at the child who had not yet met her father, and the gleeful mirth in her eyes was contagious. I grinned and looked up at Ashen.

"She's gorgeous," I agreed. I kissed Ashen once more and rose to my feet. "I wish I could stay with the two of you forever, but Death needs me in the library." I didn't say, _I have to leave before Leck comes, _but Ashen understood, and she didn't argue as I turned toward the door. My hand on the knob, I glanced over my shoulder. I looked at Ashen and then at the cooing girl in her lap.

We both knew sorrow would come later. But today was a day for beauty.

**Please review- I know the shape of the plot, but I still haven't decided how this should end, and I'm open to ideas.**


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